Not Too Much, Just Enough

I.
The tears flow
unyielding.

My scream is real.
Anger washes out of me
for all the time
I’ve spent feeling trapped
and helpless.

I am resourceful,
practical,
imaginative,
and uninterested
in anyone’s judgments.

I lost my fucking identity
a million times
before this one.
I’m well-versed.

II.
Shook out
and searing,
resolved.

Staring at my insides
with acceptance
and love.

He encircles me.
Safety.

III.
I sink back,
a smile on my face.

I’ve missed this,
I tell Him.
This alchemy
is my favorite.

Leaning into His warmth,
rush of blood
balancing out.

He lets me drift
safely
under watchful eyes—
not too much,
not too little.
Just enough to know
it’s real.

I’m not interested
in dissociating.
I love feeling
with presence.

It doesn’t have to
leave me a wreck.

VI.
I’ve been working
at my shadows again—
drawing near them,
falling in
only as far
as the reminder
needed.

He tips me balanced,
helps me process
both fear
and reality.

I get to rest
gently
in His arms
as the tears dry.

I get to feel
every blessed emotion
as intensely
as I like
and make love to it,
where my seams
have stretched
to allow love
its growth
in me.

Moonlight Spiritus